Hi Janey
Im sorry that you feel this way. It is really hard to not fee comfortable in your smile and appearance. I too have plenty of dental phobia from bad experiences. Are you taking good care of your teeth? First step is to take immaculate care of the teeth. That is all i do to empower myself. I floss 3 -4 x a day, rinse with hydrogen peroxide very mild solution, morning and evening. I gargle with salt water when i have a tooth that is not right (as is the case currently). I rinse with water after each time im eating sweet or drink coffee, never let food or sugary liquids sit on your teeth.
There are things ofcourse that are out of our control, such as poor dentistry, money over actual dentistry ethics. For me a combination of bad experiences, and early braces that moved my teeth around at an early age causing very short roots. So all i can do is take care of what i have. I lost my lower left first molar due to a failed root canal and pain x 4 months which led me to have it extracted. Now im looking at the other first molar #30 which was a poor build up and botch patch up over the years that now is on its way out.
Dont give up hope. Empower yourself with good hygiene, and a plan to make your mouth healthier, and happier. I'm with you.